


What I Need

by DragonGirl420



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Long-Distance Relationship, TW: Anixety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-10-02 00:36:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20450744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonGirl420/pseuds/DragonGirl420
Summary: Separated by distance, Dean and his girl are both struggling with how to make it work without losing their respective minds.





	What I Need

**Author's Note:**

> Something I just wanted to write. Also fills a square for @spnfluffbingo2019
> 
> Square Filled: Cuddling

**Dean Winchester x Reader**

**A/N: **Something I just wanted to write. Also fills a square for [@spnfluffbingo2019](https://tmblr.co/mRh3EeilTYcdkyxpsQRTjSQ)

**Square Filled:** Cuddling

**WC:** 2K

**Warnings:** Anxiety, panic attacks, floof

**Summary:** Separated by distance, Dean and his girl are both struggling with how to make it work without losing their respective minds.

She waited, for what felt like hours. The anxiety that was triggered in her nerves was maddening, but she knew that she had to be patient. There was no worse feeling in the world than waiting for Dean to return from a hunt… well… except maybe waiting for him to call when she knew he would be out and about, blowing off steam with Sam at a bar in whatever dingy town they were staying in.

Those nights were almost harder than the hunts themselves. Getting a call that he had been hurt was one thing… knowing he didn’t call because there was another woman in his bed, was a whole different story. This night, was a mix of both and it was when she started to question whether or not she could really do this with him. Long-distance was hard enough, but long-distance with a hunter who had a penchant for pretty blondes was something else entirely.

She had to trust him. She had to have enough patience, trust and love in her heart to believe that he would always come home to her, even when it was easier not too. That was the promise they had made when it all first started. But that was almost six months ago, and in that time, she had more than her fair share of nights where the anxiety and the fear of losing him became overwhelming and she acted out, self-sabotaging everything she wanted and didn’t realize she had. But that was how this disorder went, and for as much as she loved him, her brain would always believe that he loved her just as much.

She wanted to stop doubting and stop worrying that anytime he was silent, that she was losing him. Deep down she knew that would be the one thing–other than him falling victim to some monster–that would be how she did end up losing him. 

Sitting around wasn’t helping her anxiety, either. There had to be something she could do to break the patterns of the disorder that plagued her. Calling him to check in wasn’t enough, she felt the need to take action, do something to prove to him that she could just sit and wait, but why should she? She thought if she could find ways to make him understand just how much she loved him, reassure him that his efforts weren’t in vain, maybe it would help her, too.

Dean looked around the bar and realized there wasn’t a clock in sight. His phone’s battery lost its life earlier, so he couldn’t even check that. With technology being what it was, there wasn’t even a working payphone nearby that he could call and check in with her. Dean, normally calm and clear-headed, began to feel that tick of anxiousness in the back of his neck and absently rubbed a hand there trying to make it stop.

‘_If I don’t call soon, she’s going to think I’m fucking someone else… or dead… actually think the first one would be worse,_’ he thought, as his eyes scanned the room searching for his little brother, so he could go and take his phone. 

No Sam insight, which means he took a girl back to their shared room, or he was with a girl in the back seat of the Impala. Either way, Dean growled in frustration and felt that nagging feeling begin to grow. He needed to call her. He needed to make sure she knew that he was safe and very lonely, sitting at the bar, nursing a whiskey and thinking of only getting back to her. 

That was something new for him; that feeling of needing to keep her reassured. Everyone had hang-ups, right? That’s what he told himself. Hers just happened to be an overwhelming fear of being left behind because she wasn’t good enough to keep around or just not enough in general. Not like she didn’t have reason to feel that way, but Dean decided it was on him to help waylay those fears because she WAS worth it. She was worth every damn second he could give her. 

Slapping down a twenty on the bar, Dean threw back the remainder of his whiskey and abruptly left the building. The cool night air smacked him in the face, sending any remnants of the liquor’s effects packing. He was completely sober and aching to feel his girl beside him. 

It only took a moment for him to locate the Impala in the bar’s parking lot, which was blessedly empty. The motel was only across the street, so Sam could have easily walked over with that petite brunette he had been chatting up. Dean didn’t really care either way, but it was ingrained in him to watch out for his little brother. He had to remind himself that Sam was a big boy and could take care of himself. His girl, however, needed him; and maybe, he needed her a little, too.

He got in and started the engine, about to pull away and realized just how long it would take to actually get to her. She was more than a thousand miles away, and it would take two days, at least, before he’d be able to see her again. His heartfelt heavy with the recognition of it; his eyes tired and weighted with tears he refused to let fall. Exhaling with a growl, Dean put the Impala in drive and turned towards the motel instead of the freeway, just praying that he’d be able to charge his phone quick enough to call her and that Sam wasn’t there in the middle of … something.

The room was dark and empty, to which Dean sighed with gratitude. He dug into his duffle bag to retrieve the charger and found an open plug beside his bed. He waited a few minutes for the phone to take some charge before he powered it up and dialed her number. Straight to voicemail. His heart sank. The only time her phone went straight to voicemail was when she was deep down in the rabbit hole of self-doubt; completely convinced that he stopped loving her and had abandoned her for someone else. 

“Fuck!” he barked and dialed again with the same results. Angry that he hadn’t been able to call or text, earlier, he tried to calm himself and think rationally. He knew all of her fears and did his best to help her deal with them, but sometimes things were out of his control. He hated that she was most likely home, crying, thinking all sorts of wrong thoughts about where he really was, or what he was really doing. Sometimes, it made the relationship feel hard and he knew it would be far easier to just walk away… But the way he loved her didn’t allow that to be possible. The truth was, he was just as scared of losing her because, in all his life, no one had loved him the way she did; certainly, no one made him feel as good, as she made him feel.

This time he dialed Sam, wanting to know where his brother was because he had every intention of jumping back in the Impala and driving in her direction; sleep be damned. 

Sam’s went straight to voicemail, too. No matter how much he wanted to pick up and leave the state, without having at least talked to Sam, he couldn’t. So instead, he kept dialing them both, alternating between numbers for the next hour or so until sleep finally claimed his weary mind.

Hours later, Dean’s eyes fluttered open at the sound of the hotel room door opening. He had been perfectly sober when he fell asleep, so why did his head feel as if he had polished off that bottle of whiskey? He attempted to open his eyes, but the light that came in through the front door made that impossible. Figuring Sam was coming in after a night of tantric sex with the brunette from the bar, Dean exhaled with a low rumble and crossed his arms over his chest, burrowing back into his pillow and trying desperately to get back to the dream he was having. 

He was nearly back there when he felt the weight of someone sitting on his bed. Concerned that Sam was hurt, he forced himself to lift his head and turn over, checking to make sure his little brother was alright.

“Sammy?” he rasped, his voice thick with sleep. “You alright? Tried calling–”

“Dean…”

It was her voice. But it couldn’t be, it was still a dream…

He sat up more and used his fist to dig the slumber from his face. When his eyes were able to open and adjust to the morning light that had filtered into the room, he saw her familiar form next to him on the bed and thought, for a moment, he was simply back in his dream after all.

“I’m sorry I woke you,” she said softly, and when she touched his arm he realized she wasn’t a dream… his girl was really right there beside him.

“What the–How did you–?!” Dean sat all the way up and felt his chest heave with relief that she was within arm’s reach. 

“I needed you,” she replied softly and moved across the bed to be closer to him. “It was getting bad again… and it’s not fair that you always have to make me feel better. So, I figured I would come to you. Because–”

“C’mere,” he said, cutting her off as he pulled her close. 

Dean’s arms wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her back to his chest. He spooned her closely as her arms covered his, gripping them tightly as she trailed kisses across his hands before tucking the tangled mess of their fingers into her chest. 

“I tried to call…” he whispered, the warm of his breath causing her to close her eyes and feel relief coat her skin. 

“I figured. I’m sorry I couldn’t wait, I just needed to be with you.”

“Baby, I couldn’t be happier to see you. I almost started driving last night… I–I needed you, too.”

“Dean… “ she paused and turned her head as much as she could to look back at him. “Can I stay? Go with you this time? I know its dangerous, and I promise not to get in the way. But being without you isn’t working for me… I need to–”

“Yes,” he replied simply, his one-word answer enough reassurance to pause her nervous ramblings. “Whatever you need, sweetheart. Besides, I don’t think I’d let you leave even if you wanted to.”

“Good.” 

He felt a stray tear from her eye splash against his arm and found room to hold her even tighter. He wanted her, he always did and this night was no different. But as they lay together in the growing morning light, all Dean wanted to do was hold her to make up for all the nights he hadn’t been able to. His eyes closed, and both of their breathing slowed and found a syncing rhythm with the other. 

“Wait… where the hell is Sam? He never came home…” he said suddenly, opening his eyes again and feeling a slight bit of panic at the realization that Sam was MIA.

“Sam’s fine. He’s the one who picked me up from the airport,” she admitted and bit her lip nervously. “I called him when I couldn’t get a hold of you last night. Told him I needed to see you and wanted to surprise you.”

“So that’s where he disappeared to,” Dean snorted, “Remind me to kick his ass for that; damn kid had me worried when I came back and he wasn’t here. Where is he now?”

“In the room next door. Said he had some business to attend to with a cute brunette,” she said and rolled over out of Dean’s embrace so she could face him. 

“Well, maybe I’ll say thanks, instead,” he smiled lazily and brushed his thumb against her cheek before sitting up a little to gently kiss her lips. 

She simply smiled and nodded, “I think that’s a better idea. Besides, I don’t plan on letting you out of my sight for a while, so let Sam have his fun and we can just lay here if that’s okay. I missed you… more than I thought it was possible to miss a person.” 

That nagging ache at the back of his neck was gone and quickly replaced by a lump of feeling that caught in his throat when she looked at him. He loved her in a way that words couldn’t always express and the fact that she came to him when he felt like he needed her most, was the kind of gesture he didn’t realize he craved in return. What they had was real, and it was worth fighting for. It drove him to want to continue to do whatever it took to make sure she knew how much he loved and wanted her.

“I missed you, too,” he rasped, knowing words weren’t his strong suit. It was enough for her body to relax against his as Dean exhaled with a weighted relief once she tucked herself snugly back into his embrace, and they let exhaustion carry them both away.


End file.
